This past week was an especially rough one. (Tip: Count your blessings on the good days in order to save up sweet memories for tough times.) Because of confidentiality rules, I can't go into too much detail, but I was disappointed and hurt earlier this week when I found out about a situation that has been going on in my class for some time. I was frustrated with several students and their actions and honestly just felt very let down and angry. I've experienced this similar disappointment before with things like test scores, parent interactions, and personal progress, but this one hit pretty hard. I had all these different feels, and I had to keep reminding myself that this would soon pass and be okay.
My wonderful principal was counseling me throughout the week and I told her at one point that I was most upset because these were my babies. I call them my children because it is true. I see my kids for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, which is more time than some of their parents spend with them. I have raised them for 8 months and am about to have to let them go to the next grade. It's a whirlwind of emotions. She wisely told me that compassion and forgiveness would get me through this. She also said that my own children someday will disappoint me, and I will learn to manage and love them through it.
I called on God frequently this week. I asked Him to be with me and help me control my anger, my facial expressions, and my overall demeanor. For some reason, I began thinking of the ways that in this world, we are knocked down and disappointed. There are firings, natural disasters, deaths, breakups, etc., and the pain that is caused by these disappointments sometimes is enough for us to push God to the side and think, "Why would He let this happen?"
I can't help but throw in this cliche phrase here: If He brings you to it, He'll get you through it. Amen. It's so true. Just like He knows how many hairs are on our heads (Luke 12:7), He also knows why each disappointment is necessary, what we will learn from it, and how we can use Him to help us through it. He's pretty great. Another thing to remember is that He will NEVER disappoint us. In a world full of doubt, change, and frustration, we have to keep trusting in His constant steadiness.
This week's events led me to study Matthew 10:29-31, which says "Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." In these verses, Jesus is speaking to His disciples about their importance to The Father and how much their lives matter. How jealous I am that the twelve got to sit there and listen to Jesus tell them how loved and valued they were. Jesus tells His disciples that God knows every move even a sparrow makes, and that we are so much more valuable to him than these birds. Yes, He created all things, but His son died for MY sins, so I am precious to Him. And because of this, I should not let worldly trials and frustrations get to me. He is never going to leave me alone and weary because He cares for even the smallest of hummingbirds. Now while some non-believers will question this verse and its promise of compassion, we must remember that this does not mean that there are never going to be disappointments. It means that we have to stand up that much taller in these situations and pray to Him and ask for His help and understand that we will receive everlasting rewards for the way we handle this life.
So throughout this tough week, during my next let down, and in all of the frustrations to come, I'm going to think of the sparrows in Matthew 10:29-31. I am so loved and taken care of. He is walking beside me.
I'll leave you with the wise words of Chumbawamba... "I get knocked down, but I get up again. You're never going to keep me down!"
Through Faith in Him and the Fifth,
Meg